4.23.12
I have been wondering and struggling with why people are so negative, so
mean towards others, so cruel. The answer I had known but I had not connected
it to what I was seeing until this preaching that I am currently listening to. Sin.
Darkness. The evil that I was seeing, that I was despising and being hurt by
others was sin. And im not talking about times when you’re just tired, or you’re
not having a good day – im talking about the willful, fully conscious, desire
and action of cruelty.
After hearing so many times that we are born in sin, and that we all
are sinners, and after reading verses such as “we love the darkness more than
the light”, it didn’t all mesh inside my head until having it clarified by this
preacher. That the people who do this, the people who hate others and often
times delight in it, they don’t know God. Suddenly, it all made sense. And for those who do know God but act like this, well, we still
fall. Maybe not as often, but we
willingly repent and try not to do it again (sometimes) with prayer and the
Holy Spirit.
And so then I think about all the people I know that exhibit these
natural tendencies of ours, and it’s a lot. It’s all of us. Our naturally sinful humanly humanness. I am
guilty of not being Christ-like throughout the day more often than I would
like. Not so much as tearing people down than as being complacent in satan’s
arms. Lusting over Nesly and not resisting,
wanting to fall into fantasies. Being distracted
by the world’s pleasures, gobbling food and being ruled by the weaknesses of my
body and mind. It’s a struggle
throughout the day, a never-ending battle, but not a battle without hope, and
not a war that is lost. Jesus Christ has saved and redeemed us of all of that.
But falling into our humanity, our old selves, our old ways. There is no excuse for that. I don’t want an artificial semblance of joy,
of peace, of love. I want the real
thing. I want it for the people that I find it hard to be around, which for me
is most people most of the time. I don’t
want to be caged in by myself or by the devil.
And God wants it too, or he would not have chased us throughout all
these years, would not have given us his son or his word.
The preacher takes it one step forward by using the verses that state
that God gave us knowledge of his existence, that creation is a testimony as
well to his presence, to say that those who still refuse to believe Jesus have
rejected him. That after all of the revelation of God's existence, to not believe and to reject what He has offered and who He is is the ultimate sin.
As I read and listen to this sermon, a part of me thinks that it’s too
radical, almost unbelievable – a thought I once had years before when reading
in the bible about Jesus proclaiming himself as God. That what Jesus was saying
was so crazy, so out there that there could only be two options: he was
speaking the truth or he was crazy, friekin nuts. I felt a coldness inside as I
thought about that, that there was a decision to be made, that I could choose
to accept whether what Jesus was saying was true, or I could close the bible. I
heard in my head the teachings that I had heard about Christianity. I felt a
pressure that was almost like anxiety, and then I decided that yes, I would
accept what Jesus said. Was that the point of when I was really saved? I don’t know,
im not sure, I cant point out an exact time or date when I knew with absolute
clarity that I was saved – all I remember are (many) moments when I put my
faith in Him.
Even as I listen and read this sermon, my fleshy part kicks in and
wants to be judgemental (listen to the way he preaches, the tone of his voice
is kinda..condescending, isn’t it? Don’t you want to be offended? Its kind of
annoying how he repeats some phrases. Geez, can the person typing this sermon
down do it more accurately, or at least not write down every word so it makes
more sense??). ah satan, I see what you’re trying to do. Part of me wants to
and is looking for ways to discredit what this man is saying. Another and more
larger part sees and knows it for truth, a harsh and unrelenting but a
much-needed truth.
Ah..and coming to the end of the message. It feels good to know that
what you were praying and hoping for yourself to do is what the preacher wanted
you to do (drive it into ur thick fat skull EHHH!?!?!) and this is his prayer
for you.
And I guess it comes down to this: we were given eyes to discern what
is right and what is wrong, to see with the Holy Spirit…. And then to DO
something about it. Cuz my feeling bad
about myself or disliking the other person does what? Changes what? I guess..that
we were meant to see the ugliness of the world for a reason: first to expose it
(as light does, as james said two bible studies ago) and then to tell of Jesus,
the cross and the redemption that is possible only through Him. How convinced,
how deeply embedded is this truth in me – to the point of conviction that Paul
and the other disciples had that lead into action?
