As I sat driving, windows down, watching an orange jaguar race a red ford truck and fail, I thought about my company closing down. About not getting enough hours to pay tuition. Found myself asking God that if what I was doing was what He wanted, then He would provide the way and the money. About how I was going to keep donating when I knew it would hurt more than before. About the car I wanted. Started thinking that if things got really desperate then maybe I would re-enter the bloody nursing program just to have some real money.

As I got to the driveway, after randomly flipping through channels, I stayed on Klove and heard the announcer say 'If we stayed in our houses out of fear, then we wouldn't see what God has in plan for us'. If not quoted verbatim then close enough. He may have been referencing the Colorado shootings, but to me just then, that house of fear was my head full of thoughts that were afraid to take a risk. So afraid to not have enough, to be enough. I'm not saying that I'm perfect now the way I am, cuz Lord knows what a piece of ..fine work that I am. But I gotta stop making these choices out of fear or letting fear stop me from making choices.