Since Ive turned 24 today, I probably should write down what ive learned so far and what I am planning to do, to improve for the rest of the year. And I would have, I would have written that a few hours ago. But right now, I didn’t mean to, but im feeling my heart ache..and no its not the fast food or the shake that I ate a few hours ago. My heart aches for love..for someone to love. To love that somebody… I keep praying to God to please remove this feeling, because I want nothing to do with it.

I see your face, and I remember, I remember

All the little moments, little moments that

May not have added to anything, to anything at all

But I still hold onto those thoughts even though they slip

And I reject them, and I reject you, and yet there you still are

Even though there is nothing between us

Even though I want to see you, I don’t want to be with you

How many times you wicked wicked heart have you done this

Falling in love with this, with that, with him, and another him, and another

These transient feelings that drift and change and hurt

That hurt them

You stupid girl, you foolish woman, cruelly thoughtless

This isn’t loneliness, is it? Im not lonely

Im just fine being alone, its preferred really

Im fine just seeing you

I don’t even know what to say, what to do with you

I want to hug you, see you laugh, smile, and be free

I want to grab your tie and pull your face close to mine

I can imagine the kisses, the kids, the sun, the sound of music

The worship from a thousand tongues

A thousand hands held high in prayer and in abandon to God

And us being a part of that holy symphony

I can imagine you being with someone else, someone better suited

Someone that brings you alive, that brings out your best

The two of you laughing and hugging each other

Sitting beside each other in complete comfort

I can see myself with someone else, someone maybe a little more like me

I can see the two of us happy

That’s why I wish this away…